My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
