Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
