I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
