I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
