Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
