at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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