i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
