you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
