My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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