I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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