I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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