when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
