My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
