this beer tastes like vomit already
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
