Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
