walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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