just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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