I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
