I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
