Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize