similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
