this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He passed out mid-signature
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
