I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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