when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Dear god my vagina.
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