If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you inspire me to be a worse person
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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