turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize