Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just found a bag of teeth...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
