She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
