So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize