Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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