In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
