Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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