PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
