I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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