I wanna bring you to show and tell
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just had sex on a roof
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
