After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
