i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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