Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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