You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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