Your dad touched me again.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
