She's the barista slut.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
