PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
