You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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