I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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