I would go down on you faster than GM stock
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize