i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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