my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
