I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
