I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize