Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My breasts were aching with rage.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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