I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
