Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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