i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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