we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
