dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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