i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
