It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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