Barsexuality is the new black.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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