I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My vagina is officially offended.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize