Have you finally orgasmed yet?
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
