her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
