Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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