I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
