It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
