so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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