the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
