after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
