My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
