Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
